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So you want to be non-monogamous. For example, while some swinger stories highlight the benefits of non-monogamy, others tend to focus only on what can go wrong. Neither gives the whole picture and can lead to misconceptions. Whether you yourself are new to non-monogamous relationshipsgetting involved with someone who is new, or just ready for a refresher course, here are seven common myths about non-monogamous relationships and the facts that disprove them.
A quick online search yields many a claim that cheating was, in fact, a type of a non-monogamous relationship.
That, however, is like saying that stealing is a type of trade. Make no mistake - just because a relationship is non-monogamous does not mean that cheating is impossible. If a couple agrees to threesomes only but one partner makes out with a stranger in a bar?
Four parties in a group relationship Adult california club dating not to involve new partners before getting tested, but then someone does the deed prematurely? Two swinger couples agree to swap husbands for one night, but then one half of the swap meets up again later without telling their partners?
You guessed it: cheating. Non-monogamy is not something that takes place in dark corners and on password protected apps without the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. As do monogamous relationships, non-monogamous relationships require mutual trust and respect, while cheating undermines trust, respect and consent.
To wit, cheating may fit the criteria of non-monogamy to the extent that there are more than two. But if everyone is not on board? For example…. Except…with multiple partners. Right away that necessitates a lot more planning than monogamous folk have to worry about. Except…you agreed with your primary partner that Thursday was their day to ensure your quality time. Do you wait two weeks and risk the fizzle, or talk to your partner about making an exception? When there are more than two, it gets a lot more complicated. Especially in modern society where traditional dating rituals are quickly being deemed old-fashioned and uncool, and people are more inclined to just go with the flow.
Such a thing is not a realistic option with multiple partners, which requires a greater level of transparency upfront and necessitates constant communication. But scheduling is not even the most intense challenge that people who chose to practice non-monogamy find themselves faced with. The biggest challenge non-monogamous folks face is rather monstrous, in fact.
And green…. As it turns out, neither is the case. People who practice non-monogamy are more than aware of the existence of jealousy, and more than capable of experiencing it themselves. Or with Netflix. Jealousy, while it can be worked with and talked throughis a natural emotion that even those of us who choose to take a non-traditional path still experience.
In comparison with monogamy, in fact, it forces a kind of work on trust that monogamous relationships bypass via the terms of monogamy. But non-monogamy turns that on its head. Once possession is removed, the love between two or more people is no longer defined by what they will not do with others, but by what they actually feel and have together. You are not being asked simply to trust that your partner will obey your mutually established rulesbut instead to trust in your mutually established love. Trust that a casual tryst will not threaten your love.
Trust that a new partner is truly an addition and not a replacement. Trust that even as a secondary or tertiary lover, you are still cared for and respected. Not to knock the merits or challenges of monogamy, but where time management, jealousy and trust are concerned, non-monogamous folk have a bit of a fuller plate, if I must say so myself.
Do not be fooled into believing that the option to love and be loved by more than one human makes non-monogamy easy. It may feel like a more natural state of being, but nevertheless, as with all interpersonal relationships, hard work is not only expected but required. While that does make logical sense, love knows not of logic, and as fate would have it monogamous and non-monogamous people can and frequently do find themselves involved, in love, and in relationships.
Is it easy? Refer to myth two! It requires compromise and understanding. Perhaps the parties involved agree that the monogamous partner will continue to practice monogamy while the non-monogamous partner is free to practice a form of non- monogamy. Example: I dated a man who was monogamous by nature, and was so with me, but was comfortable with my having a girlfriend in addition to our relationship, even though my relationship with her did not involve him [read: no threesomes.
Similarly, perhaps an ordinarily monogamous partner will test and stretch their limits, agreeing to a mostly monogamous relationship with a swingers party here or a threesome there on occasion. At the end of the day we are all more than the labels we as ourselves, and people who may seem unlikely to mesh on paper can and do attract. As long as trust, respect and consent are part of the formula, a mono and a poly can surely make it work. To the monogamous world, two people who essentially belong to each other is the only kind of fathomable commitment in existence.
Since non-monogamous relationships Adult california club dating without the ideas of possession in play, some feel that this means commitment cannot and does not exist. Commitment absolutely can and does exist within non-monogamous relationships.
Take the earlier example. My boyfriend was committed to me. I was committed to him. I was also committed to my girlfriend. She was committed to me. She was also committed to her boyfriend. He was committed to her. Conventional relationship ideals may claim this is ludicrous, but think of the structure of a family.
Think of a mother who has more than one. Does the arrival of baby two mean that suddenly baby one is getting tossed aside? So it looks like this thing between us is coming to a close, as your little brother will be arriving in just a few short weeks. I hope we can still be friends. Multiple relationships can exist, all of them committed. This can be, but is not always the case. There are different types of non-monogamy, some where all parties involved are absolutely equal - in terms of love and commitment, that is - some where they are not. The following are some but not all examples of non-monogamous relationships.
These two people are committed to each other, and each other alone. The terms may vary, but typically it means that while the two can pursue physical thrills outside of the relationship, their loyalty lies with their respective partner alone. Very similar to an open relationshipthere is a primary couple and they are loyal to each other alone. This can even be considered a type of open relationship, but it is characterized by the couple exploring pursuits outside their relationship together, if not always simultaneously.
Read swinger stories from real swingers. Unlike the open relationship, a polyamorous relationship allows for multiple relationships multiple loves, if you will at the same time. Other relationships, while they may indeed be loving, will not take precedence over the primary relationship. Here there are multiple relationships but without hierarchy. The relationships may intermingle, they may not. Group relationships may form, they may not. And they may as well in hierarchal poly, I might add.
There is no first tier, second tier, third tier. All things being equal is the goal. See Also: Egalitarian Polyamory. This form of non-monogamy is exactly what it sounds like. A sort of amorous chaos. It allows all relationships with others to be what they are, when they are, whatever they are, without operating within tiers of importance, defined parameters or preset expectations.
The ultimate exercise in relationship freedom, it is living and loving without limits, and letting the relationship chips fall where they may. The important thing to understand is that committed non-monogamy is not necessarily just Adult california club dating version of monogamy with some casual sex thrown in here and there. Can the two exist together? But not necessarily. First, non-monogamy is not kink in and of itself. But when people think of non-monogamy, their minds go to one place - fast. If monogamy is categorized by not having sex with everyone, then non-monogamy must be about having sex with everyone, right?
It must be about threesomes, and foursomes, and group sex, and orgies, and swingers parties with fire breathing, leather clad jugglers in nipple clamps swinging from the chandeliers. It does not mean that one is necessarily with multiple partners simultaneously. It does not mean that one is necessarily having indiscriminate sex. And it does not mean that one is, while having indiscriminate sex with multiple partners simultaneously, also strapped to the bed with leather cuffs in nipple clamps and a crystal butt plug.
Can one enjoy a non-monogamous relationship and a crystal butt plug at the same time? Which brings me to my final myth…. Admittedly, this may seem a bit confusing. That being said, what if a couple could do things besides sex together, Adult california club dating with the consent of their partner, openly?
Or perhaps kissing was okay, but only kissing. Monogamish is a term that was originally coined with open relationships in mind, but it can also be an option for couples who want to avoid feeling stifled by their commitment without completely opening the relationship up.
The freedom to pursue your sexless kink outside of your relationship with the consent of your partner could be another form of the, in my opinion, rather flexible monogamish. No swapping or swingers clubs required! Read Our SwingTowns Story. Swingers Articles. Polyamorous Dating Articles. Polyamory Relationship Articles.Adult california club dating
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